You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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