So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Send help, water and tortillas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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