I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
