I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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