Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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