She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
