My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize