Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
