Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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