white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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