I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
