Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
nutella sex= disaster
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
