Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
