but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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