I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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