Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
