I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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