Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
