It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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