apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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