trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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