I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
