My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize