Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
