He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
