All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
