My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
