1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
