I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
