my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
