apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
