I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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