I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
