This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize