He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
