I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
