similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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