well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
