Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
