you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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