Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
