She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
