maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...