apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.