Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.