It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.