I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.