Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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