Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here