...so i touched it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?