this boner is exhausting
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
