woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
