I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
