what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
