I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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