did you get engaged???
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
