its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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