you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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