why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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