Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
