Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love you. Go after that dick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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