Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
