i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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