i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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