Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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