Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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