handjob tips. give me some.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
