Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
