I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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