I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
