Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
