He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
