the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
