Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
