I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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