We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
