sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
