Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize