Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
