Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I won't apologize to a one balled man
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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