what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
